Meredith Returns
by TVjas
Summary: Meredith returns for a visit and impacts Rick's life in a way he never could have imagined.
1. Chapter 1

"So can you do it, Dad?" Alexis' voice pleaded over the phone.

Castle rubbed the fingers of his left hand over his temple and was glad his daughter couldn't see the pained expression on his face. "OK, sweetheart, I'll do it for you. 3:24, right?" He tried to keep all annoyance out of his voice.

Alexis breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh, thank you, Daddy. I owe you one. I've got to run to class. Love you!"

Castle put his phone away. He shifted in his chair next to Kate's desk and glanced over at Kate, her arched eyebrow silently asking what Alexis wanted. Castle sighed, "You remember I told you that Meredith was coming to town for a few days?"

Kate nodded, wondering where this conversation was headed. "As you know, Alexis was going to pick her up at the airport, and I was blessedly not going to see her at all this visit." Castle paused.

"But?" Kate supplied.

"Apparently Meredith caught an earlier flight. She left a voicemail for Alexis before she got on the plane. Anyway, Alexis has a class when the plane arrives, and she asked me if I could pick Meredith up." He was sure Kate wasn't going to be happy about this new development. Since they were at the precinct, he couldn't hug her or touch her in reassurance. "Look, you can come with me if you want or…or I could just send a car for her." He tried to smile but it was almost a grimace. He knew if he sent a car it would make Alexis mad, but on the other hand he didn't want to make Kate mad.

"Is that all? I thought we were going to have to have dinner with her or something," Kate could see how concerned he was about her reaction. She thought it was cute. "I have to work, but I wouldn't really want to go with you to pick her up anyway." She leaned forward smirking slightly, "Unless I have something to worry about?"

Castle looked mortified, "No, of course not! By the time I get her to Alexis' dorm room, Alexis will be all done with her classes and I won't have to see her again for the rest of her visit."

"It's OK, Castle," Kate said with a smile. She wanted to put her hand on his but refrained.

Of course she knew how easy it had been in the past for Castle to jump into bed with Meredith when she came for a visit. Kate wasn't worried. Castle had waited for years to get together with her, and she knew he wouldn't do anything stupid now that they were finally a couple.

They had wrapped up their latest case before lunch. Kate was mired in paperwork, and Castle was jotting down a few notes from the case that he wanted to remember for possible use in a future story. He glanced at his watch and stood up. "I've got to be going, Beckett."

Kate glanced at her watch as well, "OK, I'll see you tonight." Castle started toward the elevator.

"Yo, Castle, where you going, Bro?" Espo asked standing up from his desk.

"I've got to pick Meredith up at the airport," he replied jerking his thumb over his shoulder not anywhere near the direction of the airport.

Javi's eyebrows rose in amusement, "Oh, deep-fried twinkie," he said knowingly, glancing over at Ryan who stared at him in horror. Espo's eyes got big as he realized how inappropriate his remark was now that Castle and Beckett were together. "Sorry," he muttered.

Castle and Beckett both glared at him, "I'm just doing Alexis a favor." Castle turned to walk away, then looked back and with a wave added, "See you all at the Old Haunt later."

* * *

"Richard!" Meredith called with a wave as she caught sight of Castle. Castle smiled back at her as she hurried towards him. He did have feelings for her. After all, she was the mother of his only child and that alone would forever link them. He could remember how much he had once loved her and how much fun they had had together in their early years. Now he could only handle small doses of her.

Meredith dropped her bag and went to throw her arms around Castle, but he caught her by her shoulders and kissed her cheek as he deftly reached around her to snag her bag. He grabbed her upper arm and started guiding her through the crowd. "Where's Alexis?" she finally seemed to notice her daughter wasn't present.

"Why did you change your flight? You know she has school." Castle's voice was gentle even if the words were accusing. He knew Meredith didn't think about things like that.

"But that gave her the perfect excuse to cut class!"

"You know she's not a slacker like us. Sometimes I wonder where she gets her work ethic. It can't be from either one of us."

"Tell you what, I'll drop you at Alexis' dorm and take your luggage on to your hotel for you. Where are you staying?"

"I was hoping I could stay at the loft. Alexis is gone now, and we could have some quality time together," Meredith said in her seductive voice. The one he used to find irresistible.

"Meredith, we are not married any more. You're here to see Alexis. You are not going to stay at the loft, and this is the last time I will see you before you leave," Castle said firmly getting a little annoyed now.

Meredith squeezed his bicep, "Ooo, I love it when you are so strong and forceful."

"Meredith, please," Castle said with a sigh as he removed her hand from his arm, "just tell me where you want to stay – what hotel?"

Meredith seemed to have no clue so Castle started calling around to find her a hotel. "OK, I've got you at the Trump Soho. You know I'm not paying for this right? Can you afford it?"

Meredith was pouty now. "Of course I can afford it."

"Great," Castle muttered as he collected her luggage off the baggage carousel and moved towards the taxi stand.

* * *

Castle finally arrived at The Old Haunt. Ryan and Jenny were already there, sitting in the booth that Castle had reserved. He slid into the seat across from them.

"So where is everyone?" Castle asked.

"I think Espo is picking Lanie up," Ryan said with a grin. It was hard to keep up with their on again, off again romance. "Beckett had one report she was finishing up. She said she'd be right behind us."

Shortly after Castle got his drink, Beckett walked in. Castle jumped up and engulfed her in a hug. She felt wonderful in his arms as his hands roamed across her back. It was so hard to be next to her at the precinct all day and not run his fingers through her hair, or touch her soft cheek, or kiss her…. His thoughts were interrupted as her lips brushed against his. He could feel her smile against his lips and he smiled too. They stood entwined in each other's arms gazing lovingly at the other until Ryan cleared his throat loudly. They jumped but stayed in each other's arms looking somewhat embarrassed.

"Sorry," Castle said sheepishly as he dropped his hand to Kate's waist and guided her into the booth.

They were well into their second drink when Javi and Lanie finally showed up. Espo had a big grin on his face and Lanie was all giggly.

"And what took you guys so long?" Ryan asked pointedly.

"What? We came right over as soon as Lanie was done with work," Esposito replied with an innocent look.

"I won't even ask what she was working on," Castle chimed in. Lanie punched his arm. "Ouch!" he complained. Castle raised his hand to get the waitress's attention. He would get a tray of hors d'oeuvres as well as a round of drinks.

After everyone was settled with their drinks, Castle started entertaining them with stories of some of the crazy encounters he had had with the public.

Then Ryan told the story about Esposito getting ready to bust down a door just as the lady of the house had opened it wearing only a towel. Esposito was already in motion and couldn't stop and had collided with the unfortunate woman. They were lying on the floor all tangled up together. Esposito had leaped to his feet and somehow the lady's towel had snagged on his badge leaving her totally naked on the floor. Esposito had spluttered apologies while trying to untangle the towel to give it back to her. Ryan was paralyzed with laughter and was no help although he had soon composed himself for the lady's sake. It turned out she had no involvement with their case after all. Captain Montgomery had to do a lot of damage control to keep the department from getting sued.

Castle pulled Kate closer into his side and she briefly laid her head on his shoulder. Castle couldn't have been happier spending the evening with his girlfriend and their friends. He squeezed Kate's shoulder a little as he watched Ryan tilt Jenny's chin up so he could lovingly kiss her. Lanie was sitting in the corner and Javi was turned toward her, their foreheads touching as they talked softly. Castle turned to Beckett and pressed his lips to hers. She melted into him. Castle pulled away from her slightly and gazed into her beautiful hazel eyes. "You're so beautiful tonight, Kate," he said softly. "I love to see you smile and laugh."

Kate blushed a little and dropped her eyes for a moment. Then she looked into those deep blue hypnotic eyes. "You make me happy, Rick. I never smiled or laughed much before you entered my life. You give me so much joy." Her fingers traced along his jaw, and her thumb brushed over his lips. Javi and Lanie suddenly broke into laughter causing everyone to look at them.

"Sorry," Esposito said still chuckling, "Private joke. Hey, Castle, we could use some more drinks here."

"Coming right up," Castle said as he slid out of the booth to order a round at the bar. He couldn't remember if this was the fifth or sixth round.

"No more for me!" Jenny piped up. Castle looked around the table to see if anyone else would protest but no one did. He proceeded to the bar to place his order.

Although they usually tried to avoid talking about work, it always seemed to crop up at some point and tonight was no exception. They started rehashing some of their latest case. Kate wondered how Ryan figured out so quickly that their key suspect was innocent. They talked for several minutes when Kate finally realized that Rick hadn't returned with their drinks. She turned to look at the bar. Rick was taller than almost everyone else standing there so she picked him out quickly. His back was to the bar and she could see he was talking to someone. Through the crowd, Kate couldn't see who it was. She shifted in her seat to get a clearer view and gasped.

"What's wrong, Kate?" Lanie asked quietly as the boys talked.

"It's Meredith!" Kate exclaimed. "I hope something hasn't happened to Alexis." Why else would Meredith be here? Kate could only see Castle's profile. His body language suggested that he was not enjoying dealing with Meredith. Kate tried to keep track of the conversation at the table, but she was more than curious about Castle's conversation with Meredith and kept looking their way. Someone at the bar moved out of the way, and Kate now had a clear view of Meredith. She certainly looked like she was flirting with Rick. Kate felt a pang of jealousy. Rick's posture looked weary.

Meredith rose up on tiptoe and flung her arms around Rick's neck. Kate thought she was trying to kiss him but she was too short, and Rick grabbed her wrists and lowered her arms. Kate could see that Rick was talking, but Meredith suddenly looked straight at Kate and angrily said something to Rick. It looked like she was yelling but the bar was crowded and loud. It was impossible to hear any one conversation. Meredith tried to jerk out of Rick's grasp but he wouldn't let go of her wrists. That seemed to enrage Meredith even more. Kate could see her head moving from side to side as she continued to angrily talk to Rick.

Suddenly Rick slapped her hard across her face. Kate leaped out of her seat and started pushing her way toward them. Meredith's eyes were like saucers. Her hand held her face where Castle had hit her. A moment later she was running for the door. Castle took a step towards her retreating figure but Kate caught his arm. He spun around. His fist was coming up ready to strike whoever had grabbed him. He stopped himself when he saw Kate, but the cold, hateful look in his eyes made her take a step back. She never thought she would ever be afraid of Rick, but he was scaring her now as he menacingly towered over her.

"Rick, whatever she said about me isn't important. Just let it go."

Castle's face hardened even more, "Not everything is about you, Beckett. Go home." He turned and the crowd parted before him as he exited the bar.


	2. Chapter 2

Castle's rage had even scared him. He had never struck a woman before, but at this point he didn't regret slapping Meredith. He would go see her, but first he had to walk off some of his anger so he wouldn't be out of control when he confronted her. His mind was boiling with Meredith's hurtful comments as he briskly walked for at least a half mile. Suddenly he was hit with a wave of nausea. He stopped and leaned against a street light. He was able to control it, but he felt like Meredith had stomped on his heart and he slumped against the pole. What good would it do to go and confront her? He was suddenly full of despair. No, he needed to see Alexis. That was the only thing that could help him now. He signaled for a taxi and gave the driver her campus address.

* * *

Kate stood at the bar stunned. She never would have believed that Castle was capable of hitting a woman – even an ex-wife pushing his buttons. She thought she should chase after him, but he told her to go home. How many times had she told him to go home? He always gave her space when she asked for it, but she was torn as to what to do.

"What happened?" Lanie asked as she arrived at Kate's side. She had seen Castle stalk away, but really hadn't seen anything else.

Kate turned to look at her and hated the tears that glistened in her eyes. She commanded them not to spill out. "I don't know, Lanie. Meredith was yelling at Castle and he suddenly slapped her. That's when I jumped up. Lanie, his eyes were so cold it scared me. I've never seen him like that except when he was trying to kill Tyson. He told me to go home."

"Castle hit her?" Lanie's eyes were wide with disbelief. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, Lanie! I wouldn't say something like that if I wasn't sure," Kate was exasperated with her. After all she was a trained investigator.

"Where's he going now?" Lanie asked struggling to believe what Kate was telling her.

"I don't know," Kate replied shaking her head. "Maybe he is going after Meredith."

"You don't think he'd hurt her do you?" Lanie asked hesitantly.

"No, of course not," Kate replied. She didn't feel nearly as confident as she had made her voice sound. She suddenly wondered if she really knew Castle at all. "Lanie, I'm going to take off. Give my apologies to everyone… and please don't tell them what happened," she pleaded.

Kate decided to text Castle as she left the bar. _**Where r u? Let me help. Meet u anywhere.**_She stood outside the bar contemplating her next move. She wondered where Meredith was staying. Castle often used the Plaza and the Ritz Carlton. She called both hotels but Meredith wasn't registered at either place. Maybe he returned to the loft to cool off. She decided to go there first.

* * *

Castle arrived at Alexis' dorm and practically ran to her room. He pounded on her door desperate to see her and hug her. The door opened but it was Alexis' roommate, Emily. She was small and very cute, of Asian descent but was totally American in her upbringing.

"Mr. Castle? You don't look good. Are you alright?" Emily asked.

Castle raked his hand through his hair. He had no idea what he looked like, but he certainly felt miserable. He swallowed, "I-I just want to see Alexis."

"I'm sorry, but she went to a party after her mother told her she had other plans tonight."

"Her mother had other plans?" Castle asked incredulous.

"Yeah, that's what she said, so Alexis went to a party."

"Why didn't you go, too?" Castle asked.

She blushed, "Um, I wanted to spend some time with my boyfriend." Almost on cue, there was a noise from inside the room.

Castle gave her a small smile. "Thanks." He turned to walk away.

"I'm sure she has her phone with her if you really need to see her," Emily called after him. Castle waved a hand in acknowledgement without turning around.

Castle found himself roaming around the campus. The night was cool and pleasant. There were groups of young people wandering around. Sounds of good natured yelling and laughter filled the air, but Castle didn't notice much of anything. He came across a bench and sat down. He had turned off his phone after he got the text from Kate. He didn't want to talk to anyone and he didn't intend to ruin Alexis' night by tracking her down.

He just couldn't figure it out. Meredith flew across the country supposedly to visit her daughter, changed her flight so Alexis couldn't pick her up, wanted to stay at the loft, then brushed Alexis off to show up at the Old Haunt and put the moves on him. Then she dropped the bombshell on him. Castle didn't understand. What was she trying to do? She very seldom even pretended she wanted to be a mother to Alexis. Why couldn't she just act like a mother on those few short occasions when Alexis was expecting her to be one?

* * *

Kate arrived at the loft and quickly checked his office and bedroom, but he wasn't there. He hadn't returned her text so she assumed he wanted her to leave him alone. Kate decided to honor his wishes and return to her apartment – at least for tonight. When he was ready he would seek her out. She set her jaw. Once morning came she knew she would be back here looking for him. If he wasn't here by then, she would track him down. She wondered how he had ever been able to give her space when she asked for it because she was obviously incapable of letting him have more than a few hours alone.

* * *

After a long while, Castle finally stood up and called for a cab. He might as well go home. Home – it sounded so empty now. Alexis was gone. His mother was on a cruise in the Caribbean, and he managed to drive Kate away. He couldn't face her now anyway.

Castle dragged himself into the loft. He immediately poured himself a whiskey. "When you're miserable you might as well console yourself with the good stuff," he snickered to himself. He went into his bedroom and changed into his lounge pants and t-shirt.

His eyes caught sight of the picture of Alexis and him on the dresser. A bittersweet smile touched his lips as he picked it up. He loved that picture. Alexis was only 6, dressed in her favorite yellow dress with yellow bows in her hair. Two balloons, one red and one yellow, were tied to her left wrist. She had that arm thrown around Rick's neck as he held her in his arms. They were both laughing. Castle was gazing lovingly at her, and Alexis was looking at the camera happily waving. Actually she was waving at her mother because Meredith took the picture. It was probably the last time they had spent a happy day together as a family even though Rick and Meredith were already divorced.

Castle stared at the picture as he carried it out to the couch in the lounge area. It was finally too much for him and he started sobbing as he sank into the couch, clutching the picture to his chest.

* * *

Kate slept little all night. It would have been hard enough just being without Castle, but being without him while not knowing what was going on with him made it next to impossible to sleep. As soon as 6 o'clock rolled around she leaped out of bed. She didn't plan on checking on him so early but she couldn't stand it anymore. She took a quick shower and threw on her clothes. She grabbed her keys and was out of her apartment in 15 minutes flat. She still hadn't received a text or voicemail or anything from him.

She had trouble swallowing around the lump in her throat. She was really worried about Castle, but she was also worried about their relationship. Kate couldn't imagine anything that Meredith could have said that would have impacted their relationship, but Castle was avoiding her now so she couldn't be sure.

Her mind spent half the night trying to figure out what Meredith said. She wasn't convinced that Meredith hadn't said something about her. Meredith had looked straight at her 2 or 3 times while she gave Castle a verbal thrashing. If it wasn't about her, then Meredith must have accused Castle of something like being a terrible parent. That would be ludicrous. Maybe she blasted his mother. Surely Meredith wouldn't say something hateful about Alexis.

Her hands trembled as she put the key in his lock. She said a quick prayer that he would be there and be OK, then she pushed the door open. Relief seemed to ooze out of her when she saw him sprawled on the couch, but she couldn't contain her tears. She hastily wiped them away then hurried across the room and knelt by his side. There was a picture lying on his chest. Kate reached over and carefully eased the picture from under his hand. She recognized it from his bedroom and knew it was one of his favorites. She loved it too and couldn't help smiling when she saw it. That picture seemed to symbolize their whole relationship – the love and joy that they shared.

The nearly empty whiskey glass on the coffee table made her wonder how drunk he got last night. She stood up and set the picture on the coffee table. She grabbed his whiskey glass, carried it to the kitchen and dumped the contents in the sink. The kitchen was so familiar to her now after spending more time in it the last few months than she had in her own. She moved efficiently, making coffee, frying up bacon, and whipping up pancake batter. Her mood lightened just by being at the loft and knowing Castle was safe. She started humming as she cooked.

"Kate? What are you doing here?" Castle was sitting up pushing his hair out of his bleary eyes seemingly more puzzled than anything. It was hopeless; as soon as he brushed the hair back it fell forward again. His hair was sticking up in all directions. Kate was thankful that he didn't sound angry. She turned off the burners and hurried to his side throwing her arms around him.

"Castle, I was so worried about you."

"I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't hurt you did I?" Castle pushed her away slightly so he could look at her. "I was so angry I don't know if I pushed you or grabbed you..."

"No, Castle, you didn't hurt me, but you slapped Meredith."

"Yeah, I know." He reached over and picked up the picture. "We had a great day that day, the 3 of us. Like a real family, only we weren't. We were never a real family," he said sadly.

"When I met Meredith she was breathtakingly beautiful. We were so young and so full of promise. I was already a successful author, and she was doing great in Hollywood, snagging some really good TV guest star roles. She had even starred in a couple of pilots, but they didn't get picked up."

"It was easy for me to relocate out there. I could write anywhere. She was so talented and incredibly optimistic and just knew that she would soon be on top. Her confidence helped her win a lot more of the auditions than the average actress. She really had something special. We had so much fun together and we were so in love. We seemed like a perfect match."

"She finally landed a juicy guest spot on ER." Castle seemed to be talking to the picture, never taking his eyes off of it. He smiled as he remembered. "She was absolutely incredible in the role and won an Emmy nomination." He glanced at Kate. He knew she never knew that.

"She was 3 months pregnant when we went to the Emmys. She didn't win, but the nomination got her lots of job offers. A great movie role was offered to her, but she would have been too pregnant when they were filming so she had to turn it down. You wait for that one break that will launch your career. She always thought that had been her one big chance. I think she always resented Alexis because of that missed opportunity."

"She seemed to change after she had Alexis. The baby overwhelmed her. After being out of circulation for the pregnancy, the roles dried up. She lost her confidence and it made it even harder for her to land a role. It seemed to me that she changed a lot, but maybe I was the one who changed. Maybe we both changed a little in opposite directions. I don't know. The marriage didn't last long after that." Castle set the picture on the table.

Kate put her hand on his arm. "Rick, what happened last night?"

"Meredith ditched Alexis and showed up at the Old Haunt and started flirting with me. I tried to tell her I wasn't interested any more, but she kept pushing so I told her I was with you now and I didn't want to see her again. She got really angry and started saying some hurtful things. I guess I threw some nasty things back at her and then…," Castle took a shuddering breath and looked at Kate with tears in his eyes, "then she told me Alexis wasn't mine." His chin quivered as the tears spilled down his cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

_Castle looked at Kate with tears in his eyes, "then she told me Alexis wasn't mine." _

* * *

"Oh, Rick!" Kate said, shocked. She pulled him into her arms. His broad chest shuddered with the attempt to breathe as he cried against her shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. "Rick, I'm so sorry." His daughter had been his whole world for 18 years. She couldn't begin to imagine how devastating it was to hear she wasn't his.

Struggling not to cry herself, Kate held him tight until he got the crying under control then pushed him back so she could look at him. Her hands framed his face and her thumbs wiped at the tears on his face. His eyes were blue pools of anguished turmoil, and it was difficult to look into them. Kate put on the bravest smile she could muster, "Rick, it doesn't matter. She'll always be yours. You raised her. You loved her. You still love her. You will always be her Dad regardless of DNA."

Rick nodded at her. He would never deny Alexis.

"Go take a shower, and I'll finish up breakfast," Kate told him gently. Castle nodded again and disappeared through his office and into his bedroom.

Kate nodded her approval when he returned. The stubble was gone and his hair was tamed, but his face still betrayed his distress. Even so, he still looked handsome wearing her favorite blue button down.

Without a word, Castle collected her into his arms and kissed her hungrily. His tongue was demanding as it stroked against hers. Kate's body pressed into his as she returned the deep, needy, passionate kiss. She needed this as much as he did. He lightly traced a path up her side sending shivers throughout her body. His hand stopped and caressed her breast through her shirt forcing a moan from her lips. Slowly, his lips released hers, and he suddenly crushed her to his chest. Kate could feel the emotion coursing through his body as he took a trembling breath. She was afraid he might start crying again.

"Come on, Rick. You need to eat something," Kate said firmly, anxious to distract him, but if that kiss couldn't distract him, it was probably hopeless. She pulled away and got the food out of the oven where it had been warming. She loaded up 2 plates and set them on the breakfast bar.

Castle ate some bacon and had a few bites of pancake as he toyed with his food. His silence was almost unnerving. "I'm sorry, Kate, I just can't eat any more."

"It's OK," she replied. She'd give anything if she could fix this for him. She couldn't even find any words to ease his pain.

"I never knew Meredith was sleeping around before Alexis was born. Kate, everything was a lie, **everything**!" The betrayal and hurt that Castle felt radiated from his eyes. Kate's heart ached for him. "How could I have been such a fool?" He rubbed his hand over his eyes then down his face. "Kate, I need to go see Meredith. I have to find out if it's the truth. I've got to know the whole truth."

Kate draped her arm over his back. "Do you want me to go with you?"

He shook his head. "I need to go alone." A wan smile graced his lips. "Don't worry. I won't do anything stupid. I probably won't be long, but I'll definitely be back by lunch." He knew he wouldn't spend that much time with Meredith, but he thought he might need to be alone for a while after they talked.

He reached out his hand and caressed Kate's cheek. "I love you, Kate." He leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss then headed out the door.

* * *

Meredith opened her door and eyed him warily. "Are you going to hit me again?"

"No, Meredith, let me in. We need to talk."

Meredith undid the chain on the door then opened it wide so Castle could enter. Castle took hold of her chin and turned her head slightly. He winced when he saw the angry bruise on the side of her face. "You need to get some ice on that."

"I've had ice on it."

"Look, Meredith, I'm sorry I hit you. You cut my heart out telling me Alexis wasn't mine, but it doesn't excuse what I did. Part of it was due to the alcohol, but I still should have had better control than that."

"No, I don't deserve an apology," she said shaking her head. "I lied, Richard. Alexis is yours."

Castle closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath that filled up his lungs then let it out slowly. Enormous relief flooded his body. He looked Meredith squarely in the eyes, "So, is this the truth or do you even know who the father is?"

"Richard, that was low."

"Maybe so, but I want an answer," he practically growled at her. "Were you sleeping around before we had Alexis – before we even conceived her?"

"No, Richard. I didn't cheat until after Alexis was born. Alexis is yours. Even if she wasn't yours, she'd be yours."

"Huh?" Castle questioned with a puzzled look.

"You know what I mean. Nothing could break the bond you two have."

"I don't understand, Meredith. Why did you lie like that? What did I do that made you want to hurt me so much?" Although he knew the truth now, Castle could still feel the pain. It was a wound that would take a while to heal.

Meredith sank down into the couch. "I don't know. I was jealous and mad and hurt. I guess I just wanted you to hurt too, but I regretted it as soon as I said it. I'm really sorry, Rick. You've been wonderful to me all these years. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, but I screwed it up." Meredith's beautiful face was contorting as she tried to keep from crying. Castle eased down next to her and took her hand. "I always enjoyed our little rendezvouses," she said with a small smile gazing almost wistfully into his eyes. She squeezed his hand at the remembrance of some of their wild sexcapades.

Castle smiled the warm smile that made his eyes twinkle, "We've always had a lot of fun together." He thought about his deep fried Twinkie analogy. Meredith had been a guilty pleasure for him several times over the years.

"Did you come all this way to see me, or did you really want to see Alexis?"

"Of course I wanted to see Alexis," she huffed indignantly, "but I wanted to see you more."

"Come on, Meredith. Tell me what is going on," Rick prodded.

She sighed, "I'd been dating a guy for over a year, but it ended badly. I've been so upset and lonely. I just wanted to be in your arms again. I thought we could have some great sex, and I would feel alive again - and feel like someone cared about me." Meredith's head was ducked down and Castle could hear her sniff. He squeezed her hand in support.

"I guess I was a little desperate. When you weren't interested and said you were with that detective, I knew I wouldn't be able to have you either. It made me jealous and mad, and I guess the drinks I had probably affected my judgement as well. I'm truly sorry, Rick. I didn't intend to be so mean and hateful."

"Meredith, it's going to take a while to get over that one. I felt like I was going crazy last night after you told me Alexis wasn't mine. My whole life felt like a lie. I was enraged and devastated and terrified that I would lose her to her real Dad. If you wanted me to suffer you were successful."

"You didn't deserve that, and I hope you can forgive me in time," Meredith said contritely.

There was silence as Castle studied Meredith's eyes. He could see that she was truly sincere. "I forgive you, Meredith. I will always love you. You gave me the most beautiful, wonderful daughter a man could hope for, but I'm in love with Kate and I would never do anything to jeopardize that. We won't be having sex again, but I'm always available if you want to talk or need a hug."

Meredith's fingers trailed up Rick's chest. She tilted her head and looked up at him through her lashes leaning forward slightly so he would have the best possible view of her ample cleavage. "Are you sure you don't want to do it once more for old time's sake?" Her voice was sultry.

Castle had to admit she was still very alluring. He took hold of her wrists and moved her away from him. "No, Meredith, no more." Castle's voice was firm but his expression was soft, his eyes crinkled with good humor. It was hard to be mad at Meredith. She was just, well, she was just Meredith. He stood up to leave, but bent down and kissed her on the cheek. "You need to go spend some time with our daughter."

Meredith nodded as Castle turned and walked out of her door.

-Finis-

* * *

A/N Just thought I'd start out the New Year with a little angst. Thanks to everyone for reading and all the kind reviews.


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